Confession #15378

To the person wrote the #15377

Before I criticise your writing, I empathise with your dissatisfaction. I agree It is frustrating to see a lack of respect and honesty from a young adult who hasn’t experienced enough in life.

However, your writing is the result of the digested food. I won’t sugarcoat the quality of your writing, regardless of the story/experiences you wanted to share. If you think this level writing is worth of praise, your English writing skill is even worse than a high school student. If you wrote with this quality in IELTS test, you would score a 0. Enough of comparison, I will point out the mistakes you made in the first paragraph.

First and foremost, when retelling a story, that story would always be in past tense. Writing the wrong tense from the start of the story is always a common blunder because the examiner will deduct most of your grammar points and you will be regarded as the weakest English user of all time. In case your horizon is too narrow to know how to write in past tense, present simple becomes past simple while past simple turns into past perfect and so on.

Moving on, the use of honourifics is more terrible than your ex-classmate’s behaviour. We use Mr., Ms., Mrs., for people we aren’t acquainted enough or we are being respectful toward that person. Using honourifics sarcastically comes across as pretentious. Another huge issue is your inability to shorten the sentence, although I don’t blame you for unable to make your sentence shorter. Because you probably don’t have enough knowledge about English grammar to even proofing your writing before submitting.

A prime example is your second sentence below the salutation is “It has come to my attention that you were not content with the final result.” (You didn’t or intent to not translate this btw). This sentence has too many google-translated mistakes such as “It has” should be “It had” as said in the third paragraph from top, “come to my attention” is not a phrase a wise English speaker would use and we prefer the sentence “had caught my attention”, “were not content” can be paraphrased while still sounds fancy is “felt unsatisfactory”. Therefore, the sentence would be written as if the writer had any ounce of understanding of English as “It had caught my attention that you felt unsatisfied with the final grade".

If you think the prime example is not “content” for you, the secondary example is “Hence, you have openly enquired the lecturer to shed light on the bonus and over grading, which, in itself, is not wrong, as any student has the right to seek clarification on the overall grading.” This sentence’s meaning is like your dignity after this post, it never exists.

The first huge mistake is the using wrong words. The word “enquire” is to ask for information while your translation use “question” meaning to want to know about something. In this case, that “something” is the details of his score, so enquire is not used properly and diligently.

Another mistake, which if you actually read them to know about it, is the missing “s” for plural nouns across the whole paragraph. In this sentence, the omission of plural markers for the whole paragraph such as “bonuses” and “over-graded categories” (over-grading is not actually a good word to use for this scenario so I changed it for you). “which, in itself, is not wrong” is wrongly separated by commas.

“Which in itself is not wrong” is a spoken language phrase and the rest of your sentence is over-explaining the meaning. Thus, it is referred as “trash content.” Because the phrase “which in itself is not wrong” already means the enquiry did violate university rules, so it only needs a shorter explanation while the over-explained one in IELTS is counted as “trash content”. Therefore, the sentence should be “Hence, you had openly questioned the lecturer to shed light the bonuses and over-graded categories, which in itself is not wrong according to the university rules”.

The final unwise use of English in your paragraph one is the last sentence of it. “Somehow, even an African can sense your discontentment miles away from HUFLIT.” (You also didn’t translate this btw). This analogy does not make any sense in any context, because no competence English speaker would that type of analogy.

There are uncountable grammar and vocabulary mistakes in your passage. Therefore, I can only use the first paragraph as primary example to show you how weak your English is.

P/s: nobody uses “make colors” in real English setting, so stop with your Vietlish and learn proper Vietnamese as well as English.